Archive | June 2015

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Dave Grohl no longer the nicest man in rock

FOO FIGHTERS frontman Dave Grohl has reluctantly accepted that he is no longer the nicest man in rock, having forced 80,000 people to endure a Glastonbury headline slot by Florence & The Machine. The decision was taken by a hastily assembled committee of rock stars who were said to have been ‘stunned’ at how easily […]

This woman gave up a $100k a year job in NYC for a job that only paid $95k

We all have dreams. We all stare out of the window wondering what we could be doing with our lives. Maybe windsurfing in the Caribbean or fostering orphan donkeys in Cambodia. Making a difference. But how many of us actually have the guts to follow those dreams? Well Susan Tracey can raise her hand. She’s […]

Majority of old people just enjoy being utter bastards

The vast majority of elderly people aren’t going senile, but just like being utter bastards, it has been revealed. Pensioners have been forced to admit that their racist behaviour and seemingly endless tirade of abuse aimed at younger generations is not due to old age at all, but merely the realisation that they no longer […]

Apple to Announce Revolutionary New “Calling” Service

Apple CEO, Tim Cook has announced a revolutionary new service that it claims will allow people to speak to each other through their handsets. Speaking to a room full of tech journalists and hipster bloggers in California, Cook described the service as a “breakthrough that will change the way we communicate forever,” and likened the […]

East London Restaurant Roundly Mocked for Serving Food

An East London restauranteur has been ridiculed by fellow businessmen after news leaked that he was still serving actual food to customers. The issue was raised at a meeting for local business owners, where after a grilling from fellow entrepreneurs, David Shields admitted that his menu included lasagne, pasta and even the option of bread […]

FBI to Save Cricket Next

HAVING saved one sport they know absolutely nothing about, the FBI are en route to England to save cricket. The Federal Bureau of Investigation made headlines this week by arresting everybody involved with football and are expected to announce President Obama as the next FIFA President within weeks. They calmed fans’ fears by assuring them […]

England Rugby and Football Teams in Battle to Find the Biggest Dickhead

With neither team standing any chance of sporting success in the coming years, England’s rugby and football teams have struck an historic deal to compete in a head-to-head tournament to find out which squad contains the biggest dickhead. The rugby team will be captained by Danny Cipriani, who is planning to enter the stadium in […]